My Self Worth

How much am I worth? Today yet again I am faced with this decision. Is it important for me to explain? I don’t even know why I’m in this industry. I can’t seem to hold on to a permanent job, having resigned 3 times in the past. I was never an A star student neither did I excel in sports. I narrowly scraped through to get a Grade 1 in my SPM. Mama was so worried I wouldn’t make it.

I wanted to enrol in Film & Broadcasting straight after school but decided not to because of the exorbitant fees. I applied and was accepted by a local community college to study Computer Science. By the following year I was dying. I’ve never felt so stupid in my life. Programming language absolutely made no sense to me.

Then I saw this 30-min documentary project produced by a student on TV3. I finally found my calling. I begged my parents. Mama said, “Finish what you’ve started. We’ll talk about it later”.

After struggling for another year, I completed the course. I can still feel the pain even after all these years. I hate failing and having to resit papers but I’d no choice. I was determined to get out of that college.

I felt so proud the day I entered the Broadcasting college. To prove to my parents that I made the right decision, I was determined to graduate with a High Distinction on my diploma. Those two years were absolutely fantastic. I made friends whom I’ve kept in touch with up till now. We have our occasional gatherings; can hardly believe we’ve known each other for 8 years.

I don’t want to be known as someone who quits easily. A friend of mine has been working for the past 6 years and she’s changed jobs more than 3 times within those years. We’re no longer in our parents’ era, a time when people worked and toiled for 30 or more years with the same organisation. A time when the employee is highly valued the longer he/she works for the company. Nowadays if a person manages to work for 5 years with the same company, you’re considered to have worked for a very long time. People would even question, “Is something wrong with you? Don’t you intend to gain experience elsewhere?”

I really wish I can tell my family I’ve a fabulous and high paying job. I work as an Accountant/Engineer/Doctor/Lawyer in XXXX, one of the famous big four companies. I’m in a stable relationship and will get married in two years time. We plan to have three children and have enough money in the bank to sustain us till old age.

POOF!!!